2022-01-09 16:55:25 +00:00
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:PROPERTIES:
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:ID: 0d323248-dd31-440c-975c-cc05d32f23d2
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2022-01-16 05:04:52 +00:00
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:ROAM_ALIASES: Autobiography
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2022-01-09 16:55:25 +00:00
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:END:
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#+title: Autobiography
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2022-01-16 05:04:52 +00:00
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#+subtitle: A memoir
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2022-01-09 16:55:25 +00:00
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#+filetags: :project:autobiography:
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2022-01-16 05:04:52 +00:00
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#+latex_class: book
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2022-01-09 16:55:25 +00:00
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2022-01-16 05:04:52 +00:00
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* Introduction
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Hi there, I'm Correl. I'm a trans woman, and this is my story.
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2022-01-29 03:42:35 +00:00
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I've never had any idea how it feels to be a "man". I was merely cursed with
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inadvertently fooling everyone else into thinking I was one. I suppose I did put
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effort into the act, but to he honest it always felt shaky, like the curtain
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could slip at any moment and reveal the frantic, confused wretch that was
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pulling the levers behind it. More often than not I was convinced the wretch was
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fully exposed, and the rest of the world was stuck cobbling together a loose
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perception of what I was using its own very limited set of available labels, and
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simply gave up at "awkward guy".
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2022-01-16 05:04:52 +00:00
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* Building the Closet
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I struggle to remember what set the wheels in motion that led to me ordering
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women's clothing on eBay. Perhaps it was memories from cosplaying and
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crossplaying at Otakon: the exhiliration of it, the joy of expressing a
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different side of myself. I was in a painful place, having been unemployed for
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months with my severance dwindling. I had nothing but free time alone with
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myself and my depression. Perhaps, feeling so emasculated and left to perform
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more traditionally feminine-coded work around the apartment, I felt due to
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embody the part. Not that I enjoyed doing most of the chores any more than I did
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when my father made me do them for him before.
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Buying clothes online presented a risk of being found out when they arrived, but
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I did have the benefit of being home when they'd likely arrive, and it was far
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easier than facing the unthinkable anxiety of trying to go buy anything in
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person. I also didn't want to pour a bunch of money into it. I ended up buying a
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cheap lot of colorful tops and skirts, and a couple mixed collections of panties
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and thongs. Nothing too fancy or particularly stylish, but I had some stuff to
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mix and match.
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* Notes :noexport:
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** Theme
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2022-01-09 16:55:25 +00:00
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It is possible to rebuild yourself authentically from the darkest of places.
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2022-01-16 05:04:52 +00:00
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** Events
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2022-01-09 16:55:25 +00:00
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- [[id:ec1129c7-6121-41ca-9e73-daa37d04bd93][Memory is weird]]
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- Youth / Living with Mom
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- Divorce
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- Vito's death
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- Living with Dad
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- High School
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- Puberty
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- Heather
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- [[id:a54fc4a6-4496-4f99-9c9d-c85481b65452][The Phoenix Inquisitor]]
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- Living with Mom
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- [[id:87659956-5aa1-4603-9d69-91dce70096b9][Otakon]] and Cosplay
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- Jessica
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- Tech School
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- 9/11/2001
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- Living with roomates
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- My [[id:0c3817d8-2fbe-4a91-bab2-b4abbb024118][Sex and Love Addiction]]
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- Jen
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2022-01-15 06:09:31 +00:00
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- [[id:325b3e32-6a92-481a-b5dd-8464f491856a][Cross-Dressing]]
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2022-01-09 16:55:25 +00:00
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- Therapy
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- Journaling
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- Miscarriage
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- Divorce
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- Stephanie
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- Dating
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- [[id:5dddbae0-ddc1-4fa8-b824-113731ca9d64][Being transgender]]
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- Engagement
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2022-01-16 05:04:52 +00:00
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** Topics
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- [[id:9936dbb9-cc93-4b81-977c-97643c62d1f7][Societal Expectations]]
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2022-01-15 06:09:31 +00:00
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- [[id:92241371-3c99-494f-a518-41914e714cea][Escapism]]
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2022-04-08 04:37:02 +00:00
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- Control
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- Predictability
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2022-01-09 16:55:25 +00:00
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- Isolation
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- Identity
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- Solitude
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- Connection
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- Growth
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