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:ID:       3c4bf0f6-46c3-4c8b-8f16-98795488f815
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#+title: Closeted Cross-Dressing

I struggle to remember what set the wheels in motion that led to me ordering
some collections of clothing on eBay. Perhaps it was memories from cosplaying
and [[id:6f71c239-bedc-4842-8dd6-ea067d62daf5][crossplaying]] at Otakon, the exhiliration of it, the joy of expressing a
different side of myself. I was in a painful place, having been unemployed for
months with my severance dwindling. I had nothing but free time alone with
myself and my depression. Perhaps, feeling so emasculated and left to perform
more traditionally feminine-coded work around the apartment, I felt due to
embody the part. Not that I enjoyed doing most of the chores any more than I did
when my father made me do them for him before. Buying clothes online presented a
risk of being found out when they arrived, but I did have the benefit of being
home when they'd likely arrive, and it was far easier than facing the
unthinkable anxiety of trying to go buy anything in person. I also didn't want
to pour a bunch of money into it. I ended up buying a cheap lot of colorful tops
and skirts, and a couple mixed collections of panties and thongs. Nothing too
fancy or particularly stylish, but I had some stuff to mix and match.