17 lines
991 B
Org Mode
17 lines
991 B
Org Mode
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:PROPERTIES:
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:ID: 300b7d95-990c-4f61-99ca-42e6b7123c2c
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:END:
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#+title: Gender Performance
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Similar to many other trans women, I put on a strong performance as a man, or
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what I thought a man ought to be. Not so much by hypermasculinizing myself (I
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never felt particularly masculine in the first place, didn't see the point in
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trying to appear so, and didn't care enough to put in the huge effort needed to
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try), but by trying to play the masculine role I thought I was meant to fill. As
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a boyfriend, as a husband, as a [[id:69e5f8cb-0e60-451c-8906-1749b6fd6c7a][breadwinner]], and as a bit of a prick. Maybe
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that's part of why it was so crushing when I lost my job in 2009. I felt
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useless, emasculated, unwanted, and broken. It was in that low period of my
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life, while I was stuck in my apartment alone while Jen (just my girlfriend at
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the time) worked to pay our bills, that I really started exploring and finding
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comfort in [[id:325b3e32-6a92-481a-b5dd-8464f491856a][cross-dressing]].
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