notes

20200719003936-being_transgender.org

@@ -7,3 +7,7 @@ I [[id:bd399ef9-9cc0-425c-8fc3-edf313a676f2][came out]] publicly as gender-nonco
 in 2018. Since September 25th, 2018, I've been doing [[id:47ba16c3-6f29-4d66-8d0d-1d5dee2de36a][Feminizing hormone therapy]],
 and it's been an overwhelmingly positive experience. It's a slow process, but
 there is absolutely progress.
+
+Similar to many other trans women, I put on a strong [[id:300b7d95-990c-4f61-99ca-42e6b7123c2c][Gender Performance]] as a
+man, or what I thought a man ought to be. Not so much by hypermasculinizing
+myself, but by trying to play the masculine role I thought I was meant to fill.

20220109103624-autobiography.org

@@ -25,7 +25,7 @@ It is possible to rebuild yourself authentically from the darkest of places.
 - Living with roomates
 - My [[id:0c3817d8-2fbe-4a91-bab2-b4abbb024118][Sex and Love Addiction]]
 - Jen
-- Crossdressing
+- [[id:325b3e32-6a92-481a-b5dd-8464f491856a][Cross-Dressing]]
 - Therapy
 - Journaling
 - Miscarriage
@@ -37,7 +37,7 @@ It is possible to rebuild yourself authentically from the darkest of places.
 
 * Topics
 - Expectations
-- Escapism
+- [[id:92241371-3c99-494f-a518-41914e714cea][Escapism]]
 - Isolation
 - Identity
 - Solitude

20220114224353-gender_performance.org

@@ -14,3 +14,10 @@ useless, emasculated, unwanted, and broken. It was in that low period of my
 life, while I was stuck in my apartment alone while Jen (just my girlfriend at
 the time) worked to pay our bills, that I really started exploring and finding
 comfort in [[id:325b3e32-6a92-481a-b5dd-8464f491856a][cross-dressing]].
+
+Jen would say I acted like a whole different person when I was presenting as a
+woman back then. That never sat right with me, I felt more like myself if
+anything. Perhaps that was coming from her having only ever known me as the man
+I was trying to be, the performance. How could she know the real person
+underneath, even if it was still just me, when I'd only just started to shed the
+costume?